ars007's Journal

Tue, 16 May 2006 18:10:56 GMT

Very high on the list of things about which I'm thinking lately: I need to get my own apartment. (Why I structured that sentence and that thought so oddly: I don't know.) This weekend, all of my housemates went home to be with their respective mothers on Mother's Day (C&S also left to attend a Big Gay Party in San Diego), but because my mother is currently with my father, driving a U-Haul full of antiques to her house in Iowa, I had no such obligation, so I stayed in LA (and, as a bonus, got to attend Matt M.'s birthday party Saturday night). The boys all left fairly early on Saturday afternoon and didn't get back until Sunday night, which meant that I had about 30 hours of empty house to enjoy. I don't think that's happened since I move in, which makes sense because having five in a house makes it fairly likely that one or more of them will always be around. I'm realizing more and more how much I'm someone who needs my own space in which to exist. I really identify with the episode of SATC where Aiden moves in with Carrie and right when she gets home everyday he's like "How was your day? What'd you do? Who'd you see? What do you know?" and she goes crazy. After I get home from school/work/shopping, I need some alone time. Like, I don't want to have any conversation with anyone. I want to put down my stuff, check my myspace, maybe get a snack in peace. I need like an hour to unwind and get my thoughts on my own day clear in my own head before I can think about anything else. But I'm rambling....the point is, I had the house to myself and I liked it. I especially liked full reign of the kitchen....not that I usually hesitate to seize it in any case, but it was just so nice not to feel like I was in anyone's way with my dishes, not to have anyone else (or their dishes) in my way, not to have to answer any questions about what I was making, or why, or how 'interesting' it sounded. (For the record, I made: these vegetarian chickpea "burgers" from Everyday food that I've been wanting to try for awhile...quite good; an evoo-parsley mayonnaise [my first!] for the above; peanut butter cookies from Martha Stewart's Baking Handbook, and two fillings for the cookies, peanut butter and chocolate. Oh, and I made hummus later in the day, but that barely counts for me anymore.) So I'm starting, just out of curiousity, to look at one-bedrooms to see what they cost. My friend Jonathan (if I knew how to link to other's LJs, I would) lives in a very large 2-bedroom in a nice building in Hollywood, and I think that he and his roommate pay around $1500 for it...based on that scale, maybe I could get a one bedroom for $1000-$1200? Maybe that's unrealistic. Anyway, just something on my mind lately.

Speaking of Iowa (I think I mentioned it up there, at least), I'll be there this coming weekend for my cousin's high school graduation, and then two weeks later for another cousin's wedding. Excited about both of those, and to see how my mom's house looks with furniture in it. I think the ground floor is all redone now, except for maybe the kitchen. It's hard to keep track. I think part of the fun for her involves taking stuff from their main house to use there, and then getting new stuff for the Mariposa house. I know she took the dining room chairs and ordered new ones, I think one or more of the beds as well. Shouldn't they be spending less money now that my dad's retired, instead of more? Oh well. They've also added some sort of water feature (everyone finds it so odd that I use this term....but what else to call it? Doesn't anyone besides my family watch HGTV?) to the front yard of the Mariposa house. I haven't seen it, but apparently it starts in front of the den, goes under some new bridge where the front walk used to be, then cascades down the hill in front, and goes over the retaining wall to end by a new or soon-to-be patio. Whatever. I guess I might be selling this house and dividing the profit in three someday, so I guess I should encourage improvements. My mother told me that they're referring to it as "The Cascades," which got me started on thinking about my own propensity to giving grandiose names to my surroundings. At my parents' house, the little space between the living room and dining room became the Gathering Room, and I've adopted that for the BH house. The Iowa house has a parlor and drawing room instead of living room...the house itself, my mother calls The Beatryce House, named after some distant relative and one-time owner of it. Is this just a sign of her upwardly-mobile mentality?

Other news, briefly (as I'm at work and have holds to shelve before I waste too much time with this...and then back to myspacing, of course). Two dates last week, both fun in different ways, seeing them both again this week. Then basically I'm busy every minute until graduation. The hopefully a few weeks (ideally through the end of august?) of just sun and relaxation. And traveling and baking. And, of course, drinking. Who's with me?

Wed, 15 Feb 2006 20:28:34 GMT

Anyway. So I was at the desk this morning from 7:30 to 8:00, which is usually a pretty slow time. This girl came in--she was short, carrying a skateboard, wearing a pink tank top cut off at the middle of her stomach and pink slip-on vans. I'm already annoyed. She's loud, and she runs in the library--I hate her. She asks Carlos, the CSO who opens the library at sits at the entry desk until 8:00, where to get a copy card, and he tells her to go to the Cashier's Window, all the way to the left--ie, the truth. She walks straight to me, despite the fact I'm sitting under a big sign that says Circulation, and not at all at a window. She asks me for a copy card, and I point at the window, a good thirty feet to my left. She runs over there, raps on it, gets a card, frantically puts a dollar on it at the machine, calls to me as she runs past over to the computers "I don't know how to use this!" and doesn't wait for an answer. She can't figure it out, and eventually calls me over, making me leave the desk, which I'm not supposed to do because I'm the only one there at the time, to show her how to use it, even though it's frightfully self-explanatory.

I can't remember why I was annoyed enough to mention it. I think because it was so early....and because she was so loud and running and carrying a skateboard.

Let's see, what's going on in my life besides being annoyed by patrons.....Last night went to Amanda and MG's Single Celebration at her penthouse apt. A very interesting assortment of people showed up, and I ended up having a really good time. I was very much on edge, though...a bitter little edge that I dulled by drinking and having two cigarettes on the balcony.
I've never been the type to be so anti-Valentines before...probably because last year I was in a relationship, and before then...I don't know, I was young. It really doesn't help that there's someone in whom I'm quite interested right now, and I am not at all confident in my abilities to judge his level of reciprocal interest. We've only hung out three times, but I had a lot of fun each time, and it seemed like he was too. I'm trying really, really hard to be unneurotic about the whole thing....which, of course, is completely against my nature. I just like to snag them before I let out all the crazy.

Other news...last weekend ended up being pretty fun. The parents came down on Friday afternoon and we went out to dinner with Chris, Sean, Cameron, and Chris's parents at Blue on Blue, the restaurant at the Avalon Beverly Hills, right across the street from the house. I was able to reserve a cabana for us, which was very nice. It's a really pretty setting by the pool. The food was good. Went back to the house for dessert...I had made a lemon bundt cake, which was okay but not what I expect from Cook's Illustrated, oh well. The boys and I (and Jonathan's future roommate Sarah) ended up going out to Fiesta, which was fun if unremarkable. Next day had brunch at The Farm of Beverly Hills with mom and dad and just walked around the Rodeo/Beverly Drive stores. Mom bought me two 9-inch cake pans at Williams Sonoma, which will come in handy. After they left I baked my little heart out...some Citrus Bars (Martha Stewart Baking Handbook) for that evening, and cinnamon rolls for brunch the next morning. Threw together guacamole for the party and by that time people were arriving. Margaritas, chips and salsa and guacamole (NOT too chunky, despite what some unpleasant freshmen might say), citrus bars, drinks that MG brought. With a few exceptions, it was a really fun group of people. Mitchel came and brought Nic, through whom we met, although I'd never met Nic....which is a confusing story, I realize. We had the fire going in the courtyard, which was pleasant. Didn't get a lot of sleep that night, and ended up going out to Fiesta again with Sean, MG, and a couple girls from Chapman. Who doesn't love getting drinks from girls?? Had to write my 182b paper the next morning, however, which wasn't the best choice from an academic standpoint. Oh well.

Halfway through week 6 now, and no contact since Sunday, save a brief text msg yesterday morning. But I'm unneurotic about it, I swear. It's my new mantra: Don't be crazy. Don't be crazy. Don't be crazy.

This entry goes everywhere, sorry about that. Life has been...weird lately. I need to start getting more sleep.

Wed, 15 Feb 2006 15:50:23 GMT

The most annoying girl is in the library right now. More later.

I live in the forest. I also hate animals.

Sat, 24 Dec 2005 10:21:50 GMT

So. Something extremely bizarre happened today. I had just gotten up this morning, around 10:30 or so, and I walked out of my bedroom, down the hall, and into the living room. My sister Sara is in there, sitting on the couch. Our parents aren't home. Right when I'm going around the corner leading from the hallway into the entryway and living room beyond that, i hear this noise of breaking glass somewhere behind me in the house. Sara asks "Are you okay?" and, I have to admit, it wouldn't have been out of character for me to have broken something by walking into it, or dropping a stack of dishes or something. But, it's not my fault this time. When she finds out that this noise had nothing to do with me, and when I find out that we are the only people home, we get a little appprehensive. We start doing a little search of the house....I look in the kitchen, the pantry, the laundry room, the back bedrooms. She goes and looks in the den, the purple guest room, the master bedroom. When she gets in there, she calls me over to the doorway. You know it's never a good sign when someone asks you the question "Does that look like a dead bird?" It did, or what I saw in the mirrored closet doors did before I shut the door to the bedroom. A dead bird with broken glass around it. Because we're not going to go in there (duh), I find shoes and some huge jacket in the front closet and go outside and around the house to look in the windows to the master bedroom. And sure enough, one of the windows (one of the big ones) has a big whole in it, and the carpet inside is strewn with broken glass, with a moderately sized robin lying in the middle of all of it, legs up. It doesn't move when I tap on the glass. Sara and I are usually the only ones home when things like this happen, and we're the most poorly equipped to handle such events (excluding, of course, our mother).

WTF???

Birds have flown into the windows before (apparently, my mom was saying, one time a bird [her theory is that it was drunk] flew repeatedly into one of the picture windows in the living room until it killed itself. I guess its beak was all bloody, and there were bloody spots all over the window), but never through one. This bird, not a huge thing, would have had to have gotten some pretty extreme momentum in order to barrel thorugh the double-pane glass of that window. Either that, or one of our enemies flung (or shot through a cannon) a dead bird through our window, perhaps because we're in debt to the mafia or red hat society or something.

Tue, 15 Nov 2005 18:40:55 GMT

I'm going to start at the present and work my way backwards, hoping to capitalize on the popularity of the movie "Memento," or that one episode of Seinfeld.

This weekend: I can't stay in LA for too long without going a little bit crazy (and it looks like 'too long'=about three weeks), so I took a little solo road trip to Berkeley and then my parents' house. Drove up to the Bay on Thursday night, getting to Robert's at about 1:00. Slept in the next day, made a second failed attempt to buy wiper blades for my car, had lunch, took a nap, and saw Robert's show in the evening. It was "All In the Timing," a compilation of eight one-acts by contemporary playwright David Ives. Most were funny, or at least comedic in nature, and I enjoyed watching. Afterwards went out to dinner/dessert at Mel's with the majority of the cast, and I had a huge sundae (and finished it, disgustingly). Left early in the afternoon on Saturday and drove up to Mariposa. The house was empty when I got there, because my dad was on his way back from board meetings in Monterey for this new bank he's involved with, and my mom was in town setting up for some charity banquet. They both came home soon however, and they'd gotten dinner reservations for the three of us so we went to go eat. I spent that night joining myspace, which was clearly the most interesting and important thing that happened this weekend. Sunday....went by, my parents both left (my dad to Iowa with my sister, I'm jealous--no, really, and my mom to Japan, jealous of that too), and I drove back down on monday afternoon.

Thursday: Rather disasterous Anthro midterm. Over it already. I started tutoring. I've been hired (or I'm acting as an independent contractor)by the same company that Chris has been tutoring for. My first client was a girl up in the hills above Brentwood. I'm not sure who thought that having me tutor someone in Precalc and Physics was a good idea. I was better at the precalc stuff. Physics I had to relearn right along with her.

Wednesday: Went with Megan, her boyfriend Mike and roommate Lindsay, and my friend John who goes to Caltech to see Matt Nathanson perform at the Troubadour. For those of you who don't know, Matty is my favorite musical artist, not only because his songs are fantastic but also because he's just so damn adorable. Especially in concert. His openers were good, his set was grrreat. Megan and I were both swooning when he did Answering Machine as an encore.

Tuesday: Started out normally enough. Got my Shakespeare midterm back (A-! yay), took the bus home, was locked out. Boo. Taught myself to break into the house (disturbingly easy), used Chris's computer to check my accts (bc mine needs a new hard drive, and I can't deal with it), and saw a friend's blog that put me immediately into an extremely bad mood. Went to go vote at Beverly Hills High, which was confusing, and they told me there that it wasn't my polling place (also confusing), but I just voted provisionally and the old Jewish women working there were so nice to me (probably because they thought I was a nice Beverly Hills Jewish boy) that it dispelled some of my bad mood. Decided to shop the rest of my bad mood away, but because I'm not so long on cash recently, decided to do it at Target. Drove up to WeHo, bought a few nonspecific and non-interesting things, got a popcorn and soda for $1, and then looked at and bought a nightstand that I saw on Craigslist, which I ended up painting while I was home this weekend. This all put me in an extremely good mood for the rest of the night, which included going to Mickey's with Chris, Sean, Jonathan, and...a freshman whose name I've forgotten. Fun, except I hate how I get ignored when I go out with my tall, good-looking friends. Oh well, better than surrounding myself with ugly people.

I remember that I had things to say about monday and the preceding weekend, but I don't know what. And I'm at work and not making a very good show at working hard, so I'm going to let this suffice for now.

Sat, 05 Nov 2005 20:07:58 GMT

Weekends in the library are sloooww. I'm doing six hours today because I'm picking up a two extra for a girl who basically does all my weekend hours when I trade them away. I was at the entry desk my first hour, reading "Macbeth" and falling asleep about 20 times. Last night MGL and I went briefly to a party in Westwood, then we took my car over to the ghetto and went to a party with the USC gays, which was fun. I have a feeling that I would fit in better with that crowd than I do in the UCLA one, for some reason. But probably not, just trying to make myself feel better. Anyway, that was fun, and I got to hang out with Casey, whose company I enjoy. I was kinda pissed when I got home and the driveway was full, even though no one was in the garage. Luckily for me, Sean, bless his heart, helped me shift them around.

Yesterday, MGL and I, as part of his new life of tiny employments, set up the King Kong display at the AMC Century 14, which was the kind of instructions-following spatial labor that I love...like when you're a kid and you get a new lego boat or building or something....I always loved following the directions exactly and having mine look just like the one on the box. I think MG found it a little frustrating (that cardboard can be unwieldy, it's true), so maybe I'm better suited to this type of employment than he is.

Okay, I'm really not working OR updating effectively. I'll try again later.

Sat, 22 Oct 2005 20:44:31 GMT

This has been an extremely long week, and one in which there wasn't nearly enough time. I've been in crazy party-planning/baker mode in preparation for our housewarming party, which will be roaring in full force in about 9 hours. I made the e-vite last Friday at work and before class, after sleeping about two hours the night before. No wonder Chris was so unsatisfied with it....but then again, I did type in about 140 e-mail addresses by hand for him while he and Sean were on their cruise. A little appreciation never hurt anyone, you know? But I digress. All in all, around 200+ invitations were sent out, and we have 78 positive RSVPs as of now (including guests of guests) and 142 "Did Not Reply"s. I hate people. Our best guest is somewhere around 150....which is utterly frightening. And if it rains....I just might die. Having all these people inside my house, with their muddy shoes on our light-colored carpet is more than I can bear, I think.

Of course, my stress management skills aren't their usual stellar selves right now, as this has been an emotionally trying week all around. I've been thinking about the state of my relationship, and I'm thinking that it's winding down. It's really hard saying that, but I just feel like this isn't the right time for Robert and me to be together, not anymore. I want to end things while we're still getting along, at least most of the time. And I want to start dating, because I've never had an active dating life. And it sounds fun. So...yeah. This has all been hard. When this weekend's over, I think my life will be much simpler, at least for a little while. If I can live till Monday, that is.

quiz

Tue, 19 Jul 2005 19:46:20 GMT

I never usually do these quiz/survey things. This one I am going to take the time to do, because......I'm not sure why this is the exception, actually. Maybe because I'm in London, and have only had red-eye flight sleep for the past two nights. Here goes.

THREE NAMES YOU GO BY:
Andrew/Andy (robert/the rest of the world)
Pandy (Amanda and MGL)
Simon Rocque (my pen name, when I get my literary career off the ground. My sisters have corresponding ones.

THREE SCREEN NAMES YOU HAVE HAD:
ars007ucla (current AIM)
ars007 (ICQ....those were the good old days!)
Neptune731 (AOL 6th-7th grade. i have no idea why anymore)

THREE PHYSICAL THINGS YOU LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF:
eyes (when they're green)
hands (bc I'm a gemini)
elbows (they were always Alicia's favorite)

THREE PHYSICAL THINGS YOU DON'T LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF:
nose (no explanation required)
arms (skinny and with bizarre hair)
natural hair (color or texture. i modify both fairly regularly.)

THREE PARTS OF YOUR HERITAGE:
Scottish
Irish
German

THREE THINGS THAT SCARE YOU:
birds
ladders
being left out of the joke

THREE OF YOUR EVERYDAY ESSENTIALS:
bathing
cereal
talking to robert (awwwww....)

THREE THINGS YOU ARE WEARING RIGHT NOW:
taupe John Varvatos Henley
white CK t-shirt
black 2xist underwear

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE BANDS OR MUSICAL ARTISTS:
Matt Nathanson (also the love of my life. sigh......)
Gin Blossoms
Malibu Storm

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE SONGS:
Answering Machine (MN)
Mr. Brightside (The Killers)
A Little Respect (Erasure)

THREE THINGS YOU WANT IN A RELATIONSHIP:
Someone who appreciates me
Someone who gets along with my sisters
Someone who doesn't try to talk me into things

TWO TRUTHS AND A LIE (in no particular order):
I never want to live alone
Sometimes I find my lack of emotion overwhelming
I don't like Indian food

THREE PHYSICAL THINGS ABOUT THE PREFERRED SEX THAT APPEAL TO YOU
lips
shoulders/shoulder blades
good hands

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE HOBBIES:
watching 'friends'
jouer du piano
traveling

THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO REALLY BADLY RIGHT NOW:
get my haircut
shower
buy Michael Cunningham's new book

THREE CAREERS YOU'RE CONSIDERING/YOU'VE CONSIDERED:
Architect (btw 3rd and 7th grade)
Lawyer, through high school (inspired by a CK suit i saw in a magazine. No joke.)
Chef/restauraneur

THREE PLACES YOU WANT TO GO ON VACATION:
Aruba
Greece/greek islands
Egypt

THREE KID'S NAMES YOU LIKE:
Mateo
Kate
Aniston (okay, it's not a standard first name, but i really really like it. don't steal it)

THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO BEFORE YOU DIE:
Learn to sail
live in my dream home(/apt, as the case may be)
become passably good at one sport. i don't care what it is.

THREE WAYS THAT YOU ARE STEREOTYPICALLY A GIRL:
I buff my nails
I cross my legs
I want boys to go out with me

THREE WAYS THAT YOU ARE STEREOTYPICALLY A BOY:
I'm messy
ummm...
I don't wear makeup? Haha, this is the hardest one.

THREE PEOPLE THAT I WOULD LIKE TO SEE TAKE THIS QUIZ NOW:
I don't even know if I can think of three people who read my LJ.
Amanda
MG
A new friend I haven't yet met? hahaha

Okay, this took up enough time that I don't have time to take a nap before I have to go meet Robert at Covent's Garden. Damn you all. thank god i do have time to shower.

Summer Update

Wed, 06 Jul 2005 23:48:09 GMT

I'm in LA at the moment, sitting on the very edge of my bed because it has a bunch of crap on it. We're in the final days of being residents at Midvale Luxury Apts, and so we've all come back (the two of us who have been away, that is) to move everything out and clean in hopes of getting a large part of our deposit back. When Jorge, our ass of an apartment manager did a walk-through, apparently he basically said that we need to clean everything. A lot. So that's why I'm here right now; I drove RAP's car down from Emeryville to Pomona last Saturday, got dropped off here by his parents. I thought they'd offer me gas money but instead they gave me a wallet. It's a really nice Hugo Boss wallet, but it's HUGE....it's a trifold, and must be like 4 inches square. Plus, the cash area's divided, there are like 9 seperate credit card slots, a little snap pocket for change....i feel like it would be the size of a Big Mac if I were to transfer all my current wallet holdings into it. I'm sure it wouldn't fit in some of my back pockets, and if it did it would totally ruin my ass profile, which isn't great anyway. So maybe I'll e-Bay it? Or, if my loving description of it entices anyone, just let me know and we'll work something out.

I decided rather at the last minute to spend the Fourth of July in Iowa with my relatives, instead of alone in my furnitureless apartment. So I flew back on the 3rd, got stuck in Denver for about 6 hours (not because flights were full, but because of mechanical problems), and got to Williams at about 11:30 that night. The fourth itself was it's usual self, which means a little underwhelming. I remember when I was a kid, I would have trouble sleeping the night before because I was so excited. The day itself hasn't changed, which is probably the problem. My cousin Kristen and I are still handing out candy in the parade, walking by the Hoelscher Ag (the family business) float, getting our dollar from the Lions Club man, as we've been doing for at least 10 years. Now, the 15-year old cousins are refusing to do it, but somehow ones who are 20 and 21 still walk. Oh well, at least I got my dollar. The little carnival in the town park was the same as always: little train running in circles, 4-car Ferris wheel that goes about 10 feet in the air ("I remember once Emily crying when we got to the top," my cousin Alan said), the Moon Bounce/Space Pillow/about 20 other names we had for the big balloon we all used to jump around in, that's now filled with little kids. It just makes me feel so old to walk around on the fourth anymore. I still love the fireworks, however.

On that evening, after dinner but before the fireworks, we (my cousins plus a couple significant others) decided to play Capture the Flag, which we used to play from about 10 to 7 years ago. I must have been in much better shape then. We played in the south yard of my aunt and uncle's house, and the neighbor's yard on the other side of some evergreen trees. There were four on each team (later five) and I ran like I haven't in years. I'm still sore, two days later. It's probably a sign that I should exercise a little more often. Oh, and I got completely clotheslined by a swing, completely knocked the wind out of me.

I left the next morning at 6 am, getting a ride with my cousins who were on their way to a job site for a few days. Got first class to Denver, then squeezed myself into a middle seat in coach (economy plus, thank god) to LAX when someone else didn't show up for their flight. I only had to wait through one flight that left without me, and I was prepared to wait there all day and even spend a night, if I had to. Lucky me. I bussed it back to Westwood and trudged up the hill to my apartment, where I sat around for about 6 hours because I had woken up at the equivilent of 3:15 am California time. When Chris got home, we went over the the Beverly Hills house where his parents are currently staying and overseeing construction. His mom said she would reimburse me for the paint and windowcoverings I would pick out for my bedroom, which sounds awesome to me. Will be going back over tonight to take a load of stuff, and Chris and his dad said they could move anything I left behind, since I already called my dad and told him that I didn't need him to drive down this week.

This weekend I'm playing the piano for my cousin's wedding in Sacramento, for which I feel rather dangerously unprepared. I only chose the recessional a few days ago, and I'm not completely sure it's a perfect choice, but it's close enough. That's what they get for leaving it up to me, right?

Okay, I've put off cleaning long enough--going to go tackle the kitchen cupboards. Bleahh.

This is why Megan and I are so cool

Wed, 29 Jun 2005 20:49:48 GMT

ars007ucla: i hate having no mondy to spend.
VrbalLilyMunster: I'll assume you mean "money," and I agree
ars007ucla: right
ars007ucla: i tried to correct it, but i typed it in the wrong window
ars007ucla: so out of nowhere, i just said "money" in this conversation
VrbalLilyMunster: haha
VrbalLilyMunster: well, if the recipient knows you at all, they won't be that surprised
ars007ucla: haha
ars007ucla: do i yell it in my sleep?
VrbalLilyMunster: it's more like a murmur

Tired

Fri, 29 Apr 2005 03:50:03 GMT

So, on Tuesday night, Robert and I had this stupid phone conversation full of disagreements about random stuff like language theory and our respective educations. It was really nothing, but it got me thinking yesterday about how I don't really have anyone with whom I feel comfortable discussing our relationship in much detail. I feel like most of my friends here are too judgmental and/or protective of me in a weird way, and I just wouldn't feel good about sharing problems I was having with my boyfriend with them. So, I think about this off and on all day in work and class. Then, lo and behold, last night I have a veritable relationship crisis. Of course, with no one with whom I can talk about my problems, I settle for the next best thing--talking about them with my boyfriend directly. But because I hate the phone, and was all upset and stuff, we decided to meet halfway between our houses.....which is perhaps a bigger deal than it sounds because I live in LA and he lives in Berkeley, which are about 365 miles apart. So, we both leave somewhere between 10:30 and 11:00, and end up meeting at about 1:15 am at this Denny's (where, ironically, we stopped on our way up after his spring break). He ordered a table full of food, I ordered a Diet Coke. We chat in Denny's for awhile, in my car for awhile, in his car for awhile. We talk and talk and cry and whatnot. Anyway, we part ways at about 4:15, our relationship perhaps bruised but not dented. But......I don't get back to Westwood until about 7:30, and that's when I usually leave for work. I shower and dress and get ready to go in about 20 minutes, and end up only being about 10 minutes late for work. Of course, I'm pretty much useless because I didn't sleep for a minute, so I left one of me lectures after about 20 minutes and just lived with big, dramatic sleep nods through the other one.

My point is, I need someone to talk to. And, no offense, I love you to death, but I don't think that any of you are going to work. Perhaps a mental health professional? How many times am I going to suggest psychiatric counseling to myself on my LJ until I finally take myself seriously to actually go and do it?

It's been forever, I know...

Fri, 11 Mar 2005 21:41:35 GMT

Hi. What's it been now, like two months? More? Anyway, I'm not sure why I'm picking this time to update. But I feel the inspiration to do so strike so seldomly, that I grasp it when it does. I'm not going to try to explain everything that has happened since my last real update, so I'll just focus on recent stuff and whatever comes to mind.

I've been noticing a sort of renaissance with people's blogs lately, several of my friends are either updating after hiatuses (hiates? no, probably not) or restarting their journals after leaving them for dead. Maybe that's why I'm inspired to revisit mine right now. Currently, I'm in Berkeley, where I've spent about half of this quarter, making some very creative uses of the word 'weekend.' I flew in last night, and I'm driving to my parents house (about three hours east of here) this afternoon, returning on Sunday, and then flying back to LA on Monday. This, sans the sojourn chez ma famille, has been a fairly standard weekend schedule for me this quarter. One time that it was altered, however, was last weekend, when I stayed to throw my Martha Stewart Emancipation Celebration on Friday night. It seemed successful to me; I, at least, had fun and got to see some people that I've gone way too long without. I served a number of hors d'oeuvres, some Martha-inspired and some not, and had some cocktail ingredients available. The apartment looked as good as it ever had, which was nice. I spent a LOT of money on the whole thing, which I was expecting, but now I'm feeling the pain from that. Especially since...

Robert and I are flying (hopefully, because we're going standby) to New York next weekend. I booked us a hostel for two nights (which were available for $50/night...private room WITH bath...astounding) and we'll get someplace a little pricier for a night or two afterward. I can't wait. I haven't been since July, which is way too long, in my opinion. I've also been talking with Chris and MGL about Hawaii toward the beginning of Spring quarter (Chris, just being so much like himself, has already listed on the flights), which will also rock. I try to have lots of fun at the beginning of each quarter because that's when I get my allowance. It's been nice having a job; even though I don't make much, the extra really helps.

My sisters and I are kind of pissed that our parents aren't communicating very well with us. We all feel frighteningly underinformed about our dad's whole job scenario (I haven't discussed this at length with many people, but basically what is happening is my dad's bank is getting absorbed by a larger but fairly new bank based in Fresno, so the executive positions are being dissolved. He could pretty much walk into the CFO job at the new bank, if he wanted, but he doesn't feel like gettin another bank off the ground at this point in his life, especially since he'd have to keep a place in Fresno, which appeals to no one). The deal is/was supposed to go through sometime this month, and my parents neglected to tell any of us (until I asked a week ago or something) that he'll be staying on with the new bank at least through the end of summer while they get the whole merger settled out. I hope he asked for a LARGE salary increase. Because stuff like this stresses me out.

Speaking of my parents' poor communication skills, they're buying a share of an investment property in Tahoe. Apparently my dad and a friend of his went there to check it out, and they're ready to make an offer....and no word of this to me or my sisters. However, now I'm excited because I'm thinking about investing. The buy-in for a 1/14th share (I have no idea where they come up with this crap) is $25K, which I could swing, especially if I had a partner or two. Chris is always telling me I should be more involved with my money.

Okay, I should go get ready to drive home so once I pick Robert up I don't have to pack any more. I'd forgotten how addictive this gets once you start writing. Who knows, maybe I'll update more tonight when I'm home alone with my parents. Or, maybe I'll update again in two months. Who knows.

Update

Wed, 12 Jan 2005 10:20:37 GMT

I had school today from 9:00 to 3:50, and work from 4:00 till 6:00. Tomorrow I have eight hours of work, after which I'll be driving to Pomona to watch Alias at my soon-to-be-ex-boyfriend's house, before heading back to do some reading and write a paper for Thursday. I live on caffeine pills and four-day-weekends.

Yeah, I've been better. But you know what? I've been worse, too.

Disorder

Mon, 03 Jan 2005 08:36:41 GMT

Sometimes I feel that I'm some sort of emotional amnesiac. When things are good, I can't imagine them ever being bad, and when things are bad, it seems like they've always been and will always be that way.

I know that I never update anymore. I don't know why that is. Sometimes I just hate talking about myself. I'll try to get back into it, I feel like it was good for me.

Until then---

a.

No, I'm not dead....

Wed, 01 Dec 2004 01:57:50 GMT

....I just look like I am.

What has it been, six weeks? More. Well, to get you caught up:
*Robert and I became official on October 10th, somewhat arbitrarily.
*I got a job at YRL. $6.83 per hour x 12 hours per week=basically no money, but it's more than I've ever made before.
*My father's bank got sold to a bank based out of Fresno, so all the executive positions at his will be dissolved. He got offered the CFO/SVP position at the new bank, but he doesn't think he wants to get another bank off the ground so late in life. Ergo, my parents are like going to be poor now or something, unless he decides to do some consulting for banks or accountants.
*Renovation on my mother's summer house in Iowa are officially underway. The new furnace is in, the plumbing is being replaced, and new ceilings are being put it. I'm anxious to see it when we're back there for Christmas. I'm pushing for embossed tin ceilings downstairs and an old Wedgewood stove.
*I came out to one of my sisters.
*My sister Julie got engaged, just last weekend. She's now 25 (he proposed at her birthday party, in front of everyone) and they've been together for eight years, so no one is really surprised. It's just sort of a hard thing for which to prepare oneself.
*I'm officially a terrible student. What with being gone most weekends, working 12 hours per week, and just being very unmotivated, I'm totally slipping academically. I'm no longer so enthusiastic about cum laude. For instance, I have three papers, a total of 18-22 pages, due this week. I've not started on any. Drafts of two of them are due tomorrow. And that's probably the biggest reason I'm updating now, because it's more appealing than being productive.

Maybe I'll try to update soon, with some actual emotion. Maybe not.

It's been forever, I know....

Sat, 09 Oct 2004 04:36:44 GMT

I'm spending my Friday night as any good young man in college does: baking up a veritable storm. Tomorrow I'm tailgating at the Cal/USC football game with Robert (The Boy) and other Berkeley people, and really, what is tailgating without cookies, bars, and homemade pita and hummus? Seriously, I'm crazy about hummus. They're going to pick me up sometime between late late tonight and early early tomorrow morning, so I'm filling my time with food preparation, as I am wont to do.

I had lunch with Amanda today at Noodle Planet, and the issue of how I've not updated in, like, years came up. I definitely am due for one and have been for awhile, but I've just been lazy, or distracted, or something. For one thing, I've been flying up to Berkeley a lot more often than usual (which is to say more than....never). It's fun and exciting to be dating someone (not that I'm surprised at this fact) but difficult and frustrating to be dating someone who lives 300 miles away. I don't want to be one of those people who is gone from school every weekend, but I also don't want to be a person who threw away the chance at a possibly meaningful and fulfilling relationship because it wasn't convenient for me at the time. I'm already neglecting various relationships I have in LA (I've not seen Stephen for three weeks, for example) and I'm not sure if I would be doing so if my attentions were not diverted northward so much.

Next weekend I'm either driving or flying up to Santa Cruz to meet my family at our place on the beach, which will be fun. Hopefully Robert can drive down from Berkeley one of the days (I guess Saturday is pretty much the only weekend) and meet Alicia, who is pretty much my best friend left over from Mariposa. It might also be a prime opportunity to come out to at least part of my family, but given how passive and gutless I am, I wouldn't put money on it.

Classes this quarter are good so far. I'm taking what I'm thinking will prove to be a light load, perhaps ridiculously so. Writing about Music, 19th Century American Poetry, Conversational French, and Chorus for a grand total of 14 units. That's right, I'm a third year. I'd really like to be filling my time with some sort of gainful employment, if I can find somewhere that won't make we work weekends at all and is generally flexible with scheduling (I do like my traveling, you know), I'd be very happy. The fact that I have almost no work experience doesn't make things any easier. There's an ad in the Daily Bruin for a Bel Air doctor and lawyer couple needing a personal assistant who walks the dog, runs errands, and files and stuff, and I'm thinking that I'm qualified for that. Well, except that I don't really like dogs. But I'm willing to overlook trivialities like that.

Okay, I told my self that I would only write until the song was over, and I need to get another batch of cookies in the oven anyway. Want to hire me for something? Just let me know, I'll fax you a resume.

long time

Thu, 02 Sep 2004 09:00:52 GMT

I know that it's been just about forever since I've written anything. It's not because nothing has happened, it's more because I've been home so little that I haven't really had time to write. Last time I wrote I was in Fremont. After I finished my little Bay Area Weekend Tour, I came home for a few days, and then flew down to LA to see some people and get some apartment stuff settled. Flew back and then went pretty much straight to Yosemite for a few days, then over the beach where I stayed for a little over a week. Got back yesterday, in time for my dentist appointment. I'm getting a little tired of having the women who work in my dentist's office talk about how I "don't have to work" and rare it is that I'm in town for my appointments. I'm going to try to get out of town for labor day weekend, before the fair-going population descends upon Mariposa. A few thoughts:

-I recently bought a car, a 2004 Mazda 3. In silver. I love it, even though a stupid semi kicked up a stupid rock and cracked the stupid windshield, which I now have to get replaced before I go to school.
-On the same day I bought a dining table for the apartment at an antique sale. My mother and I have been refinishing it, and it's going to look fantastic. There are chairs at Crate and Barrel I am planning on buying, solid steel folding chairs.
-I met a girl at a party in Berkeley who could have sworn that I was Jewish. An Israeli girl, no less. This is a big step up in my pseudojewdom. I guess this damn nose is worth something.
-I've decided that I can't spend another summer in Mariposa (not that I've really been here much this summer). I can't spend another summer living with my parents. Which mean that this was probably my last summer not working, which makes me immensely sad.
-My mother just bought a house in Iowa. It's actually really pretty, a house she's wanted for many years that recently came on the market. No one's lived there in thirty years, so it needs some work. How the hell can she buy this damn house and then complain about feeling poor so often?
-I also bought an antique desk. I have no idea where I'm going to find room for all this furniture in my little apartment.
-I'm distressed that I'm going to be the shortest roommate in the apartment.
Oh, and....
-I've recently started seeing someone, which, as I'm sure you know, is extremely rare for me. (what? someone likes me at the same time that I like them? unheard of!) We're having a really good time so far. I have no idea what will happen when I move to LA.
-I'm regressing: my skin looks as bad as it has since the accutane days, and high school-grade insomnia is returning.
-I'm thinking of starting therapy when I get back to LA. I don't feel quite right.

i feel like i live on HGTV

Thu, 12 Aug 2004 05:13:45 GMT

Have I mentioned that when my mother gets bored she paints things? And by things, I mean walls. This time it was the living room in a light sage green, a color laboriously decided upon after buying no fewer than eight quarts of greens, oranges, and peaches and putting them up in square-foot patches on various walls in the living room and the hallways, which now must also be painted. My dad, referring to the hallway going toward the master bedroom, used the phrase "Kathy's Amazing Technicolor Dream House." I picked up the paint (my mother made me repeat the order back to her three times on the phone--3 gallons, ralph lauren, eggshell, Kousos Dogwood, GH56 (I guess all that repetition really works)) at Home Depot in Merced while I was driving through on my way back from my weekend-long Bay Area road trip. I guess that means that she did all four walls of that room, which is fairly good-sized, with high ceilings, in two days. Yikes, she scares me sometimes. Because I'm home and not, as far as she can tell, doing anything, it is my job to do all the pre- and post-painting prep work...removing and replacing faceplates, emptying furniture, moving the ladder, etc. She decided it was also a good time to clean thoroughly so I've also been dusting ceiling fans, washing out light fixture globes, vacuuming all the upholstered furniture and the damn rock hearth, which is huge (and surprisingly dusty). I even drove the drapes to the dry cleaners (and the nearest one is like 40 minutes away) on Monday morning. So this, as you can tell, is serious.
The thing is, I have this father. That "Technicolor Dream House" comment I mentioned? It was delivered with quite a bit of sarcasm. I think he's just more comfortable with cream-colored walls than with change. So my mother always scrambles to finish important milestones in her project before he can come home and complain. This morning, for instance, she decided that the wall facing the front door needed to be a little more bold. She found, in her collection of Quarts of Paint Colors Rejected for Big Projects, a bright French blue and decided it would go well. She starts hurriedly throwing paint up on the wall--not sure if she'll have enough-- because it's about 11:15 and Glenn will be home at noon for lunch, and she wants the wall to be done enough so that it's just easier for him to like it than to say anything. Mission accomplished. In fact, he doesn't even notice the change (though in his defense, the hall tree did cover most of the wall), about which she acted a little put out, even though it was what she was secretly hoping for. Okay, blue wall approved. Time for phase two: when he leaves again for work, she and I exchange the hall tree for the table in the front hall. Then we go on separate missions, combing the walls of the house for artwork that will be eye-catching when you walk in the front door and tie the new blue wall in with the green living room. We decide on a block print of Half Dome, and spend the rest of the afternoon accessorizing the table (a job at which we are both truly excellent). Glenn liked it enough not to argue....or maybe that's just because he knows he never wins.

Bored with this story? Think how I feel, I'm living it, for god's sake. Call me on the phone.

Fremont

Sat, 07 Aug 2004 04:41:55 GMT

Continuing my theme of the summer which is never ever being home, I'm currently field tripping in the Bay Area. I'm at MGL's house tonight and tomorrow, and I'll be staying at my sister's place in the city Sunday night, plus I'm seeing all sorts of friends, UCLA and otherwise, while I'm here. Anyway....the cruise was fabulous, as expected (note to self: write an entry about Mike and Amy, the Dueling Pianists). The Disney fun afterward was good too (four day park hopper passes--yikes)and the several hours (more like 32) I spent at home were reasonably pleasant, even though I had a cookie-making experience that nearly drove me insane....I felt like I was being Punk'd in my own kitchen. And I'm not a celebrity, or even that attractive. Go figure.

MG and I are still planning our activities for tonight, and they may include doughnuts. What else, given that I'm continually complaining (rightly so) about having absolutely no money and (less rightly so) about weight gain. Oh, went car shopping with Glenn last night...was surprisingly intrigued by the Mazda 3, which was named best small car by Consumer Reports Auto Guide. Still haven't decided about the Civic, but when do I really ever decide about anything?

Confused...

Thu, 22 Jul 2004 05:23:08 GMT

So, I go to amazon.com tonight, and it says to me:

The Lord of the Rings - The Return of the King (Widescreen Edition) was released today; We thought you'd be interested because you bought Friends - The Complete Sixth Season.

Well, I'm not interested. And I have no idea how you got from Friends to LOTR. Can anyone explain this?

Money woes

Mon, 19 Jul 2004 07:40:44 GMT

Okay, I know I don't do much with my days. So why can't I get anything from my goal list done? It's really exasperating. Not that I've just been sitting around...I've been sealing with polyurethane these three big oak wine casks that my parents bought for reasons yet to be determined. I half think that they got them just to give me a paying job. But that's pretty much done, and tomorrow I'm going to earn my keep by emptying the hot tub. Speaking of money, my dad went over my financial situation with me tonight. I'm getting a little freaked out about money (which is fairly normal for me. I was born freaked out about money, and having parents who handle it absolutely bizarrely hasn't helped). It's not only long-term money I'm freaking out about, but also more locally....I don't know if I have enough in my checking to pay my credit card bills, especially after my apartment deposit check gets cashed. I refuse to carry a balance on my credit cards. So, the only logical solution is to go to my parents and get a 'raise,' advance, or loan. That means that I'll have to face some question that will be a disguised version of 'why do you handle money so terribly? our other children don't do that' which won't be a lot of fun for me. Lord, I need a job. I was afraid this day would come. I truly have no idea how my sisters worked during their college summers, i haven't been in one place for more than 9 days since this summer started, and I don't think I will, except for maybe at the condo in August. If I do inventory for our friends in Atherton in August, that'll be a fair amount of money, which will be good.

A reasonable suggestion, given all my freaking out, would be that I buy the Civic that I drove senior year (and since, when I'm home) from my parents instead of a new car this summer. It does make some sense--it would save me some initial money (but not a whole lot....damn Hondas retain their value all too well), plus some on insurance too, I'd imagine. But....I want a new car. I know it doesn't even have 40,000 miles on it, but still. I want a car that is all mine, that I can mess up in my own special ways. Plus, what if I can never afford another new car? Is a car that's three years old worth saving what will probably only be $5000-$6000? Ugg, I don't feel equipped to make these kind of decisions. I wish my accountant was more impartial.

Still waiting for a NYC update?

Sat, 17 Jul 2004 09:12:08 GMT

Well, keep waiting. One might follow, but I only have the energy for some random thoughts right now.

•We have decided to move in a month early, on August 1st, to secure Apt. #505. I still won't be moving down until September, but this way Chris will be able to help before he goes to London. Yay!

•I've recently had a revelation: No one's life is easy. It doesn't matter how much money one has, or how good looking one is; a whole new set of problems comes with each of those. I've been thinking about this a lot lately.

•So once in a while, a wish in a fountain will come true.

•I was in this ridiculous melancholy today in LAX, perhaps partly stemming from this article in GQ about corporate downsizing. Then I called Megan and we giggled for a few minutes and I felt much better. Maybe you can identify your important friendships by the way that the person actually appreciates it when you call.

•I find myself very amusing when I'm overtired. On Tuesday after the red eye, I was practically laughing aloud at my thoughts while I was walking up Fifth Avenue.

•I miss my friends from school. I miss my friends from home. Not a one of them will deign to come to my house. I make a mean hummus, but will they ever know about it? No.

•I've only finished two of the books on my Summer Goals list. This is not a promising start.

•I discovered this week that I sort of like fruity (apple and watermelon) martinis, but I still have some residual vodka issues. I definitely like rum and diet coke, and I really really like mojitos. Let's hear it for the mojitos at Lotus!

Okay, enough for tonight. I need some sleep, I look like shit. Seriously, what's wrong with my skin this summer?

~A.

Hello from NYC

Thu, 15 Jul 2004 15:58:44 GMT

This'll have to be a quick update, as I'm quite hungry--perhaps due to the fact that I ate only three eggs (over easy) yesterday. Well, and a Vanilla Coke (not diet!) in the morning, and then at night....some drinks. Let's just leave it at that. Considering that alcohol has 7 calories per gram, I'm far from malnourished, believe me...except maybe in terms of, like, vitamins and stuff. Anyhow, I'm in New York right now; I took the red eye from LAX Monday night and landed at 5:21 Tuesday morning. I'm staying at my cousin's apartment on 33rd (really close the the Herald Square Macy*s, the largest store in the world :-D). I'm having a great time so far, and it's a good thing because I'm planning on flying home tomorrow. Perhaps a more extensive update will follow, but I feel like when I try to update from home, it's even more boring than usual, as if my dull settings seep through and express themselves in my writing. Anyway, I just wanted to let everyone know where I was (and to quell the whines of those [okay, just GCL] who feel the very sad need to live vicariously through me, of all people.

--A.

Hello from IA....

Tue, 29 Jun 2004 18:24:57 GMT

That's right, I'm in the heart of the heartland right now, making my annual reconnection to my familial roots. Needless to say, my life here is a little different than it is in LA....for many reasons, I think needing little explanation. I flew in with my sisters on Sunday, which needed a little luck because they had tickets and I was going standby. The boarding pass they gave me for SFO to Denver was for row 42, but a guy wanted to trade with me, so I ended up in 25...surrounded by some huge wrestling team. Literally, I had wrestlers in 7 of 8 directions from me. I thought the plane might go down from such a testosterone overload, but we made it to Denver okay. I got first class from there to Des Moines which was nice but not amazing because it was just a 737. The biggest difference was that the flight attendant hung up my jacket. Glenn (my father) picked us up at the airport in a hideous Cadillac belonging to one of my uncles...but it was nice because the backseat had two vanity mirrors, which, as a vain person, I appreciate. By the time we got there, my mother already had a redecorating project well underway, her mother's living room. It's been painted, rearranged, and all the art has been rehung, and my mom's bored again already. Bored Kathy is always a dangerous thing. Thank god we're not at home or she'd be retheming all the main floor rooms again.

We midwesterners aren't so big on planning, so I'm not sure what the next few days hold in store for me. The Fourth of July is being celebrated on the third on account of the sabbath and whatnot, so we might be going to Adventureland, an amusement park, on Sunday. (Sorry Stephen, I will not be wearing a red, white, and blue leotard. I'm putting my foot down.)

Okay, off to eat more Hot Tamales and various fried foods...and to join my sisters in watching Friends DVDs upstairs. See, somethings aren't changed by geography.

Ouch....

Fri, 25 Jun 2004 08:08:20 GMT

So, I was just trying to open one of my bedroom windows. I was successful in that endeavor, but I somehow also managed to hit myself in the forehead (and not softly) with a magic eight ball. I don't know why, and I feel like if I did it would spoil some of the magical mystery I find myself enduring every day. Anyway, this is not why I started this entry.

I know I haven't updated for ten days, and I feel bad about that. Not because I have hoards (or even one hoard) of voracious readers who eagerly await my every update, but because I like the cathartic nature of journaling. And, I admit, because I'd like to cultivate a hoard of voracious readers, and I feel that more frequent updates are the way to do that (little do I know that interesting updates would be better, strategically). Anyway...Since I last updated, I finished school, went to Rodeo with Chris and Stephen (note: to avoid any confusion, this is the Boulevard in Beverly Hills, not the place with bulls and horses and clowns and lassos), got my miniature and cheap massage, and said goodbye to all my friends. Parents drove me home last Thursday and my sisters came home for the flurry of weekend celebrations...my dad's birthday, father's day, and my birthday. I got a Cuisinart, some "Friends" DVDs, other gifts. Very excited about having my food be more processed than before, I'm planning on making piles of hummus. I went on payroll Sunday night because ~~Mrs. Dalloway~~ my mother was holding a luncheon tea on Monday and needed me to do some cooking and light cleaning. So, for $10 per hour, I vacuumed much of the main level, made lemon bars, a vinaigrette, clotted cream, and lots and lots of scones. The event was, as always, a big hit, and all the ladies (of course) still love me. Never mind that these ladies are in their fifties...it's just nice to know that I have options, even if they're not of the the optimal generation or gender.

Tuesday, at about 12:30, I get a phone call from Stephen and Amanda, who (to make a long story short) convince to fly down to San Diego that afternoon. I get there that night (including first class from SFO....not too shabby), and Stephen picked me up and we met Amanda and Robert for tea in the Gaslamp. Stephen and I retreated to his home in Poway for taquitos and a gay movie ("Nico and Dani", if that means anything to anyone). Next day took us to meet ~~Prince Sven~~ Chris Smith in Carlsbad for lunch...and, it turned out, the next twenty-four hours. (I just learned how to use the strikethough format, can you tell?) I bought some sheets at Ralph Lauren while Chris got some Polos. The three of had dinner at Stephen's family's house, and met Amanda, Robert, and another friend whose name I've forgotten for coffee in Hillcrest; the others retreated to Coronado while Stephen and I went, again, back to Poway to learn about supermodels from VH1 and then more sleeping. This morning Stephen had an interview at Nordstrom, so I shopped around while he did that, but didn't buy anything...but saw an interesting RL suit at Macy*s. Met other team member for lunch in Mission Hills at a cute cafe, and then Amanda dropped me off at the airport. I took off at 5:10 and landed in Fresno at 7:09, including a whirlwind twenty-minute layover in LAX, during which I had to get from the commuter terminal to gate 85, which was more exercise than I usually get in an entire week. Now I'm home for a couple days, then I'm leaving with my sisters on Saturday night for our annual pilgrimage to the motherland, otherwise known as Iowa. Hold your comments, I honestly love it there. I'll be back around July 6ish, hopefully having my next miniature travel adventure planned. NYC? Milan? Hong Kong, maybe? Summer is far too short.